For the past twenty years, obsessed Johnny Depp fans and fraternal twin sisters, Seretta and LouAnne Burr, have shared a miserable existence as high school Lunch Ladies serving up rubbery chicken parts, ammonia-treated government meat and whatever else the cash-strapped national lunch program sends their way. This year is going to be different: The twin's Cheesy Burger Bites recipe is the Grand Prize Winner of Johnny Depp’s Cook for Kid’s Charity Event! Convinced this is their ticket out of high school hell town and that The Depper will hire them to be his very own Personal Chefs, their dreams are shattered after a snotty head cheerleader pushes them one step too far. This forces the Lunch Ladies to ask themselves... WWJD? What would Johnny do?
Warning: I offer no apologies for the terrible food puns contained within the following review.
There's a metaphorical trashcan behind me with hundreds of crumpled reviews in and around it. Trying to write something that will do this magical short film justice is beyond challenging but hopefully, these next few paragraphs somehow wet your appetite for this devilishly delicious treat of a film. I'd heard there was a little cult following growing, with people making pie-shaped soaps and creative fan-art in homage to the multi-award reaping horror/comedy, but the premise had me somewhat doubtful: Two burnt out high school Lunch Ladies do whatever it bloody takes on their quest to become Johnny Depp’s Personal Chefs.
Being wrong is becoming an art form for me, and Lunch Ladies slew and surpassed all my expectations. It is an audio-visual feast that leaves you hungering for more. I cannot, in words, express how fun, flamboyant, vibrant and out-right insane the film is, and that’s supposed to be what I am good at.
Right off the bat, Lunch Ladies engages the audience with a magical score (I went straight to Harry Potter on cocaine) and a duo of crazily charismatic characters (Donna Pieroni as Seretta and Mary Manofsky as LouAnne) that you can't but help fall in love with. Their energy, child-like exuberance and in-your-face fandom are second to none. The opening scenes are manic and visually delicious—a veritable glee club orgy (not so much the food though). Seretta and LouAnne are the most outlandishly entertaining pair since Vincent and Jules or Mickey and Mallory with acting chops on par.
*Minor Spoilers Ahead...though not really*
What follows is a symphony of high school hyperbole; hilarious but at the same time very dark. The film’s pace refuses to slow down, not even for a maniacal second. Our heroines’ numinous Depp poster on the wall of their kitchen guides our lunch lasses on the path of mystery meat less travelled; with an accidental murder providing a Sweeny Todd feast for their usually unsatisfied student body.
Lunch Ladies is easily the most entertaining short film you haven’t had the privilege of viewing as of yet, and that is a very upsetting fact for me. You absolutely need to see this film. The score is undoubtedly one of the best I've ever heard (Antoni M. March, you deserve an Oscar) and the cinematography, witty script, and crazy one-liners make for an experience like nothing else, not to mention the delicious gore and delectably dark humour.
There's little more that I can say...you really need to just dig in and enjoy. All the social media links and a trailer are just down below — See if you can catch a festival viewing or otherwise wait for a digital or physical release. You won’t be disappointed; guaranteed. Thanks for reading and as always, stay sordid.
