A sexy nurse heals patients by day, and kills off cheating men by night.
You’d think I’d be all over this. Cheating men getting their comeuppance from a sexy nurse? I mean, just look at this:
Hot, right?
NOPE. This movie was so bad I don’t even know where to begin.
Firstly, Paz de la Huerta, who plays the main character “Abby” is bad. So very bad. She speaks like someone who is on a lot of heavy medication, or someone who has a speech impediment. I think someone told her to be “sexy and sultry” when she spoke, but instead went far wide of that mark and just sounds weird. Personally, I don’t think she’s physically appealing in this film, and while you might cry “but not everyone likes the same things” or call me a bitch, her character is meant to be the sexiest woman you’ve ever seen. It’s part of the actual plot.
Next we have Katrina Bowden as “Danni Rogers”, who played Cerie in 30 Rock. She did this well, being a blonde airheaded bimbo, and has been typecast in this again. However, she’s also meant to be a nurse. A fricken nurse. She tries very hard to walk the line between being Cerie again, and someone smart enough to earn a nursing degree, and doesn’t do it very well.
Danni is assigned to Abby as part of a mentorship program and Abby takes her under her wing and tries to teach her about life and nursing. On her first day as a qualified nurse a heavily bleeding patient comes in and Danni freaks out having “never seen that much blood”. Are you kidding me?! How on gods’ green earth did she get qualified as a nurse without seeing bleeding patients?!
Anyway, putting that aside, she gets yelled at by the head doctor, and quickly calls her boyfriend for comfort. He’s pretty useless (because this film is all about the man hating) and so Abby takes her out drinking where she plies Danni with alcohol, roofies and then fucks her in a three way with a random guy from the club. Understandably, Danni doesn’t remember anything from the night before, yet Abby is enraged when Danni goes about her life as if nothing happened.
Psycho stalking ensues and things get rough for Danni, because of course the cops don’t believe her and her boyfriend leaves when he finds out she’s cheated on him, even though she was roofied to the back teeth when it happened.
This movie feels like a bad porno short film that they’ve tried to stretch out to be feature film length and they’ve removed all the sex scenes. So essentially what you get is all that terrible acting in the pornos that you fast forward over to get to the good bits… but without the good bits.
I don’t have a single nice thing to say about this film apart from how glad I was when it was over.
Eugh.
