Emily Young, a senior, wants to be elected as her sorority’s president. She adopts a cute sloth, thinking it can become the new mascot and help her win, until a string of fatalities implicate the sloth as the main suspect in the murders.
In Slotherhouse, Emily Young (Lisa Ambalavanar), a technology-obsessed sorority senior stuck in the realm of popularity and social currency, meets an exotic pet distributor and learns about the power cute creatures may have. Emily adopts a stolen pet sloth to leverage it to win the sorority house president position over her popular rival, Briana (Lisa Ambalavanar). However, Emily and her sisters later discover that their new house mascot, Alpha, is to blame for multiple deaths when bodies start to pile up in the Sigma Lambda Theta home (a clever play on either slut or sloth).
OK, full disclosure. I made it about 5 minutes into the film before I realised that this was not for me. Having neither the drug supply nor the patience to sit through what was obviously going to be a grindy slapstick horror-comedy, I contacted our animal-obsessed contributor and asked them to watch the film with me instead of trying to solo this one. I’ve only ever enjoyed three over-the-top animal slaughter fests: Snakehead Terror (2004) which was so bad and I was so baked that it just worked; Boa Vs. Python (2004) which–again–was so bad and I was so baked that it just worked; and Zombeavers (2014), which was surprisingly funny and debaucherous.
My nameless friend and I, much to our delight, truly had a great time with the film. We sent the terrible one-liners back and forth to each other, took bets on who was next on Alpha’s kill list, and his constant animal facts about how far sloths can fall (more than 100ft!) and about their muscular system, not to mention:
During the early period of the ice age sloths were enormous and predatory, one of early hominid’s greatest threats. Alpha knows this. She never forgot. She never forgave.”
and
Alpha is able to survive being shot and stabbed because sloths only have like 8 muscles. They’re really more hair than flesh…”
There was incredible panpipe music whenever Alpha was feeling fragile, unexpected mini-driver deaths, sword battles, gun battles, shower battles, the list is hilariously endless. And what that all made me realise is that if I sat home watching this alone, the experience would have been completely something else.
This is a film that–for better or for worse–requires company, snacks, quips, and probably at least one banned substance to enjoy. But it definitely can be enjoyable with the right mindset and the right people. The acting is hammy, the writing sometimes nonsensical, and the sloth and its abilities are pure BS…but if you’re down for something dumbed-down and distasteful, You could do worse. That may be challenging, but you could do worse. Slotherhouse does not take itself seriously and neither should you.
Conclusion:
Slotherhouse is not something that I can honestly recommend as a “good” horror film. It can–however–be incredibly fun in the right situation. Get a group of friends together, drink too much, smoke a bowl, and have a laugh at the ridiculous antics that play out on screen. I enjoyed the experience of watching this with a good friend who–like me–was able to appreciate it for what it was. Slotherhouse will be available on Digital Download from the 12th of February. Thanks for reading and as always, stay sordid. The artwork and trailer are below.
