Synopsis:
Five tales of terror including cursed online music, satanism and murder, returns from the dead, hideous creatures hiding in the woods and one vengeful videotape.
If you’re a regular here, you’ll know that I love indie horror and short films, so these anthologies are usually quite a treat for me. Needless to say, I was pumped for Creepy Tales of Pizza and Gore. I’ve never really watched a horror anthology that I didn’t like. Sure, not all of the submissions will be to everyone’s tastes, but most scratch that itch.
Creepy Tales of Pizza and Gore was a different entity all of its own. All off the short films are by directors Lorenzo Fassina and Marco Giangiarelli, though I can’t say who directed which. None of the short films have a script, presumably so that the film can be shown and understood in any country and in any language. The context and plot are constructed through the visuals with an overbearing narrator and a monotonous, grinding score. The lack of dialogue means that all the sounds (kills, grunts, struggles, etc.) are all overacted and hyperbolised. It’s like the polar opposite of ASMR and utterly jarring.
The introductory short definitely did not set the film off on the right foot. What begins with some menacing pizza slicing quickly leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth. Barely at the level of a student film, the opening is incoherent, silly, and what I would describe as slapstick horror—almost a mockery.
SCREAMING GHOST
A decent but terribly generic horror short. The special effects look like they came right out of Ghostbusters (1984) and the sound editing just went too far. It was a pretty decent concept but just poorly executed. At this point, I think I’m going to have to lower my standards for the rest of the review; this seems like a collection of shorts that were all rejected by their respective film festivals.
DEVIL OF THE NIGHT
Ritual sacrifice, abduction, and the summoning of an evil postal worker. Production value of a high-school class project.
ALONE IN THE HOUSE
I’ve always wondered why more people don’t make use of the shoe cam…totally revolutionary cinematography. This short really just seemed like a filler and is pretty much a satanic home invasion gone wrong. There were very weird choices of camera angles and shots and the premise was totally bizarre.
WOOD
This one started really well. It was sassy, funny, and sexy. The closeups actually worked well and the actors were in character. Unfortunately, the ending was more of the same. At least the score was surprisingly more entertaining. The creature costume looked like it was bought at a thrift store. Still, probably my favourite of the bunch, which doesn’t say much.
KILLER TAPE
And here we are, the majestic climax, the magnum opus, the orgasmic fulfilment. At this point of the film I was somewhere between melancholic disinterest and professional obligation. The audio…my god. I’m writing this in real-time and am really struggling to find anything to say, never mind anything positive. I’m having flashbacks to my uni days where my friend and I got baked and discussed making a horror film about a possessed whiteboard marker that kills people and this is pretty much that idea brought to life (If the marker were a tape). I’m not even angry…at least we knew that it’d be a joke of a film and nothing to be taken seriously.
It’s clear that making this film was obviously a ton of fun. The metal, the actors, the humour…I’m sure being on set was a laugh. I understand that this was a passion project by horror fans, but it wasn’t great film. None of the short films blew me away or would even classify as something I’d select for a festival. It’s a cheesy, schlock horror compilation and shamelessly waves that flag. Not my cup of tea but it is a film that’s not afraid to be itself. Thanks for reading and as always, stay sordid. Poster and trailer below.
